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Thursday, July 24, 2008
I believe in God, I believe in Karma, I believe in the good in people, I believe that my freedom stops at the borders of other people's freedom, I believe that life is too short to argue about what is wrong and what is right for me and what’s right for other people, I only believe in Agnosticism and it feels good to believe in something!
Ibby is another fresh gay guy who is new into the lame gay dating websites and as I'm a magnet to this breed of guys lately, he smoothly found his way to my MSN list, impressed/trapped me by how well educated, well brought-up, stunning looking he is! And as he is new to this, he wasn't that self-confident with guys like the rest of his breed.
We chatted for 2 weeks or something during my exams without even seeing his face picture, everything was great, the online chemistry, the jokes, the indirect sex talk…etc Yes, I was so comfortable & so being myself with him which made me patient with him until I finished my exams and got a new laptop so I finally saw his face pictures and was mesmerized by how good-looking he is!
So we finally met after many long phone calls, I usually see failure coming when I chat or talk a lot with someone before we meet, anyway there he was, taller than me (which rarely happens), trimmed beard topped by edible lips and dazzling grayish green-colored eyes accompanied with eye blinding smile! He parked his car and got into mine, we cruised in that kinda remote area, I pulled over at my favorite place where I go to when I feel lonely or depressed or both so I can see Cairo from another point of view, he loved the spot, he sent me some shy vibes/ messages that he wants to kiss me , after a while we got back into the car, he stole a kiss while I was driving in the main street, it was cheesy and risky but very sexy and then his questions cloud hit my mystery cloud and it started to heavily rain !
Do you have gay friends? How many guys did you sleep with? How many years have you been into this? oh my god you are so young for all of that! Don't you get scared to put your pictures online? Are your parents religious or Kuffar(Agonists/Spiritual) like you? Wow! you are so brave to come out to your close straight male & female friends! you should stop smoking as it is bad for your health, OMG you smoke up like my ex. boyfriend? His hot cloud didn't last much in front of my cold cloud, soon enough the weather was clear again after my cold diplomatic and maybe shocking answers and explanations, he told me that he is searching for love with an innocent future boyfriend, I told him you can't search for love but you can enjoy your life, have sex, make friends and love will knock your door if you are lucky enough.... Give me a break and get over yourself PERIOD!
After 2 days, He invited me over at his place, he cooked lasagna and steak for lunch and chocolate pudding for desert, we dined downstairs in the dinning room, the food was surprisingly good until he imitated Martha Stewart while he is decorating the pudding with Maltesers saying "and now it’s time to put my little pearls" so I lost my appetite!
We went to watch "Le Fabuleux Destin D’Amélie Poulain" movie which we didn't continue as he wasn't that interested in watching so he switched to "mean girls" movie on MBC2, not the movie I expected to watch on a date but anyway it's always fun to watch that movie and it made me discover that he likes the girls' boobs and that he wants to try to have a girlfriend and that he wants to have a family!!!!
Anyway, I knew that it won't work so I thought of sleeping with him and turn him into a number among the numbers which he was afraid of & keen to know! And there it was, the big surprise, he has a small dick, he wanted to bareback me, I refused so it went soft and he was a top wannabe! No kissing as he thinks it is too personal! and he melted down as soon as my finger conquered his love tunnel!
Donc c’est fini! We(me and my cock) wanted different things and he hated my Agnosticism, so from now on no more " new" guys for me and no more guys who suffer from religious issues!
Newton once said, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
“Encore des mots toujours des mots les mêmes mots
Rien que des mots
Des mots faciles des mots fragiles c'était trop beau
Bien trop beau
Mais c'est fini le temps des rêves!”
...Just had a usual fight with my parents about praying staying-up late, going out every night and the curfew so I decided to take a relaxing bath after finishing the lame cliché fight, opened the water, sat in the tab, lit a cigarette and let my thoughts flow but I couldn't help but remember that I last had a similar bath was with Mr. B when we spent that night at the hotel where I was holding a joint in my hand instead, a lustlicious vodka drink in the other hand and playing somewhere with my foot. The water drops over my head couldn't awake me to notice that the tab is more than full by now, I closed the water, turned my mood-setting songs on and lit another fag!
The son of a bitch was at his best mood over that night, he was so comfortable with me, most of the time he was the one who was running the conversation for a change, he told me about his life, how he was and he turned into, the name of psychological drugs that were prescribed to him (it was my 1st time to know about the drugs thing that night), how he was a coke addict back at the states, the depression that led him to think of committing suicide-no wonder he hates commitment lol-how he hated getting back to Egypt and not using his scholarship and how that increased his depression and arose the other shifty issues. B was so lovely that night, he was like a tempting BMW car, once you drive it , you will be mesmerized by how smooth, comfortable and Easy it is! Yes, I did nothing but getting in the gorgeous car and drive furiously but unfortunately I realized too late that it had no brakes!
I got dressed and went to meet my dear LEO Jordanian friend whom I haven't seen for along time, we met at my favorite restaurant in Zamalek though the weather wasn't encouraging but Thanks to ACs that evil fake invention I was there waiting him and as soon as he arrived, we had our "catch-up" then we had the juicy gossips for appetizer and of course Mr. B was the main dish and speaking of the devil, he called me few minutes later after we finished the dish, I wasn't that surprised because we were supposed to meet up few days ago, anyway it was the usual conversation that always ends-up of not meeting up as he calls in the end of the day so I can't meet him as I already made my plans and we hung-up by a promise to call each-others the next day to arrange something, so Mr. B is back again on the table, I talked more about him to my friend, he in turn asked me some questions which I already have/can't no answers to then I ended-up with the decision of calling him the next day and give him his very last chance which he couldn't receive as he didn't pick-up or call back....!
Now I finally decided to pull the hand brakes as I realized that the Prada airbags won't save me from crashing with my illusions that lasted more than 4 months in this unidentified relationship!
...proceed to part III
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Do I always get attracted to the wrong guys? Do I really have commitment issues? Do I ask too much from one guy? And is it true that not good-looking people get married-whatever the commitment is-more than the good-looking one as they don't seek perfection?
.....Playing with my hair, smoking my favorite cigarette, reflecting, trying to remember guys I've met/done in the past two years, the crushes, the stalkers, the sexual crushes, the dating disasters, the assholes, the wannabes, the awesome one nightstands, the perfect fuck buddies and the unidentified relationships. But I could only concentrate & talk now about the last four guys!
B. is a decent, classy, bisexual-oh really?!-, around my age, shares the same mentality, quite sexy but psycho! What was I doing?! How am I still talking to him?! How would any sane guy date someone who is on about four psychological medicaments? How did I bare his crappy mood-swings, his shitty chronic bipolarity, his personality disorders, his inability to sexually perform without being stoned or drunk and and...?! Was it the guilty feelings of letting him down that kept haunting me whenever I decide to leave him alone with his issues that he can't change? Yes, I had the extremely desperate hope that he will change one day and appreciate that I was
there for him, that pretty future image which was giving me some faith but apparently the image
was like a fake fabulous "Prada" bag which was shiny from outside but "Nada" from inside!
It's just I can't! I really don't know how to detach myself! I spent a lot of time in this
unidentified relationship, a lot of bed sheets, an awesome night together in the hotel and
definitely huge effort to turn him from someone who doesn't even kiss to someone who tops the
rimming job and from someone who wasn't aware of how things work in our special world to someone who is aware enough now to be Mr.right for anyone else! and they call me impatient!
Writing the previous lines, made me figured out that lately I'm a magnet to the guys who are
new into the gay world!
Anyway, these were just some thoughts that ran through my head lately in the occasion of
celebrating myself for being single for 2 years by the next Sunday(July the 13th)!
Go to part two
Graphics by: Mazin A.Jeffery
Monday, July 7, 2008
I don't know if I was wrong but I hope one day someone will understand what I think or what I believe or what I do, It is just it is too depressing that am surrounded with too many judgmental, hypocritical and schizophrenic mentalities in my/our society in Egypt.
Why people don't understand that everything in life is very subjective, wrong and right is totally about how you see it and there is nothing normal or should be normal in our lives but there should be "in my point of view" and "in your point of view".
We've had sex, done drugs, had abortions, partied, prayed, dated, married, divorced, cheated, travelled, jammed, bitched, gotten arrested, gossiped, revolted, spoke up, criticized, bent over, slapped, gotten slapped, danced, listened, loved, gone gay and straight, turned to God, inquired, gotten drunk, stoned...and written all about it! So shove the schizophrenia & double standards up your arse!
I believe that "Fear" is the ultimate thing by which you can rule people and make them your perfect slaves, they would fear of anything but you just have to make that thing so mysterious and dim like fear of-drum rolls-going 2 hell, death, god, getting caught, people's bla bla, that someone would know your deepest fantasies...etc
However, these were just thoughts of a guy next door!
Graphics by: Mazin A.Jeffery